(no subject)

[marta_bee]

I'm back from the funeral. Mostly I'm exhausted and angry, primarily about an arcane theological thing. My grandmum was very speciic about her funera plans, and they centered on a Catholic eucharistic mass. About half her family, mine included, aren't practicing Catholic so can't take communion. There are ways to structure things to downplay the eucharist things, like you could have a memorial without a eucharist or have the priest invite non-Catholics to come up for a blessing, say. She didn't do that and the impact was most of the family in atteendance couldn't participate.

Which was very excluding and pulled up a lot of old pain: she wanted her whole family to be Catholic, very much so, to the point I always felt like all the hard and serious work I've done to make my peace with God was just discounted and not taken seriously because I don't don the right label. Which is bizarre because, with everything I've gone through with religion and life generally, it's a minor miracle (if you'll pardon the pun) I've not gone full atheist.

I don't doubt I'm reading into this in a big way. Funerals have a way of opening up old wounds, and there are some things I'd rather do most anything than think about those parts of our relationship. I wish I could think less generally, just now.

Anyway. Long day. I'm sure things will seem less sharp-edged in a few days, or even once I've slept in my own bed. Thanks for all the sympathy, and the space to think out loud. It really is hugely appreciated.

Comments

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>I'm back from the funeral. Mostly I'm exhausted and angry, primarily about an arcane theological thing.<<

Alas! Funerals are meant to memorialize the departed and comfort the living. If it doesn't do that, it's done wrong. Making an already painful situation worse is inexcusable.

>> have the priest invite non-Catholics to come up for a blessing, <<

That's what happened at my partner's mother's funeral. It was really well done. Ironically I don't see many Christian clergy nowadays who can actually direct divine energy, but that guy did a great job.

>>to the point I always felt like all the hard and serious work I've done to make my peace with God was just discounted and not taken seriously because I don't don the right label.<<

Humans are the ones who obsess over divisions and labels. Think about all the fuss over drawing imaginary lines on the ground, and how from space it's all just one planet. And the Divine has an even farther perspective than that. Trying to fit an infinite Spirit into a little religious box is like trying to fit the ocean in a thimble. It is what it is, and humans interact with what they can of it.

>> Anyway. Long day. I'm sure things will seem less sharp-edged in a few days, or even once I've slept in my own bed. <<

Sleep. Eat nourishing and comforting foods. Take some time for mourning, to tie off the relationship at its parting point in a way that feels meaningful to you. Continue to talk about it with sympathetic friends. That should help some.

>>Thanks for all the sympathy, and the space to think out loud. It really is hugely appreciated.<<

My sympathies.

I have a post about resources for dealing with grief.

[cairistiona]

*hugs* I have an aunt who's what we in the family term as "VERY Catholic" who thinks we're all going to hell because we're Protestants. It's difficult to deal with family members who you love but are so dogmatic that way. *more hugs*

[shirebound]

I hope you can decompress and release some stress to the Universe, whatever It may (or may not) be. What a shame the funeral couldn't have been more inclusive. *sigh*