Marta's Mathoms

The biggest news of the last few weeks is, the Kid's mum had her visa cancelled and they're speeding up plans to go back to Skopje. Her school's working with her so she can do her final exams remotely once she's settled there, so she and her mum can travel together.

Practically speaking, it's not such a huge change, it's just moving now rather than in August. And it's not like she's done with school. But it means she won't get to do the graduation ceremony, she won't have those last weeks with her friend around graduation, she won't have one last summer in her city. And I'm very, very angry. Trying hard not to be because that only hurts me, but with middling success at best.

Other than that, I've been spending more time reading the news than any of us probably should. And I've been reading the Federalist Papers and, of all things, the Harry Potter books. It's nicely nostalgic. That and settling in with Peeta. She's a bit of a meanie-butt and she plays hard enough at night, I'm not getting as much sleep as I'd like. But she's a good girl at heart and gives a good cuddle when I need it most. She's gotten more and more comfortable around me, and the night I learned about the Kid, she actually settled right by my shoulder for the first time.

I'm trying my best to have a life outside all the "interesting times." Sometimes I've even managing it. And if it's only a "sometimes" kind of thing, that still feels like an accomplishment.

I am trying to check on you all every now and then. Hope you're all doing well and enjoying the spring weather as it warms up. Stay well!

The Kid got offered funding at not one but two MSc programs: at University College-London and University of Edinburgh. According to her Edinburgh is the better match with her research interests, but I think that mainly means one of her current profs knows someone there he's connected her with. I'd choose London just for the chance to live in a bigger city and network with more people, and she's promised to email with the UC-London profs and discuss it with her current professor. But there really is no bad choice here. Her mum's also landed a job, though in Skopje (it's where her mum was born, and she still has family there). Them living so far apart will be a big change. But it's good opportunities for both of them.

I'll admit, I'm upset they're moving so far away, and mostly why they have to. But an airplane flight to London or even Edinburgh isn't that much harder than to Boston. We'll make it work. Mostly I'm trying to be excited for her, and proud, and not think about the rest. The pride comes easy. This is actually a really big accomplishment, and a huge weight off everyone's shoulders.

Very sadly, we had to let Bilbo pass away last night. Thank you to everyone who supported me this last week, and who enjoyed her stories and pictures. Knowing she left her paw-print on my world in her short time in it does help; and feeling surrounded myself helps more.

Bad news, I'm afraid.

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The weatherman is promising some of that white stuff the rest of the country has had dumped on it. It should be interesting since they haven't gotten snow here in several years, which may mean they don't know how to handle it. I'm just hoping our power doesn't go out, which seemed to happen with all the major non-winter storms we've been hit with. But the cupboard is well stocked and I haven't gone out in nearly a week anyway.

The fires out in LA look... intense is the only word for it. Horrific. I don't think I know anyone out there, but I can only imagine how hard that would have to be.

Weather is supposed to be the stuff of small talk. This doesn't feel so small. :-$

In more fannish news, I really enjoyed Threads of Song, a one-shot about Galadriel, Celebrian, and Arwen learning the art of weaving. It was just beautifully told and constructed. Well worth a read if you enjoy those characters.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you're all doing well and looking forward to fun with family and friends if you celebrate it, or perhaps just some time off if you don't.

Tomorrow will be a low key day. I do have some treats baked, including some Rolo-pretzel snacks that let me mush down gently after half-melting the chocolates in the oven. Which was nice. The big plans are I'm going up to Boston next week to visit Le Kid.

I'm really pleased with how I'm doing, politically, even compared to a week ago. I'm still definitely obsessing over it, but it's as much about things on the margins as the actual events. Like, Trump is making noise about trying to seize back the Panama canal, which is stupid and not even a legal option, but instead of getting swept up in all that I did a deep dive into the Wikipedia page on the history of the canal. And there's some fascinating but ethically questionable history of how we supported an uprising to help Panama break away from Columbia so they'd let us build it (Columbia was really resisting over national sovereignty). Apparently "nation-building" in Central America wasn't just a Reagan-era thing.

That's what I'm proud of: that instead of just getting angry or depressed, I'm at least channeling those emotions into curiosity about something I can learn about. Sometimes. Other times it's still a struggle, but baby steps. I've also been meditating, and trying my hand at praying for our politicians. Which logically I don't believe in intercessory prayer (I'll spare you all the rant), but psychologically it helps to focus on wishing good things for them.

Enough about that. I've been reading a Good Omens fanfic about Crowley and Aziraphale at the Nativity, which is really well written and teases at my heterodox side really nicely. Also, because I'm a nerd, I started reading the Federalist Papers on a whim and I'm six essays in.

Tonight I'm going to church then light-seeing with my sister. Then I'll probably come back and watch the Call the Midwife holiday specials. I think I'm up to the South Africa one.

Happy & Merry, etc., and I hope you all have a lovely break.

I'm seriously considering getting back into therapy, which I haven't done in years. Probably I'll hold off until after the new year for financial/insurance reasons but after that, between supporting the Kid and just generally feeling like my country is sliding away from what I recognize (and yes, I do see that feeling's probably more extreme in my head than what it's really like objectively!), I feel like I need some help getting things back in control.

It does seem a bit stupid to go into therapy for losing an election! I'm telling myself it's the cause but not necessarily the whole situation.

Thanksgiving was fine. Did the family dinner and stayed overnight with my grandma, then came back and cuddled the cat. I did an Angel Tree card for a low-income kid asking for HP collectibles and some books and warm-weather clothes, which was nice. Also bought some pants off Old Navy for myself while they were on sale. I watched Knives Out, which amuses me it feels like a Thanksgiving movie what with the family drama and the homicide and all. But it really does. Also some old "Call the Midwife" episodes.

Also, for any fellow Sherlock Holmes fans, Holmestice has started posting their winter exchange entries. Do check it out.

I do hope all my fellow Americans had a nice weekend!

Helene has been rougher than I think any of us were expecting. Maybe I wasn't paying attention. But there are about 1.2mil people wihout power with my utility company alone, nearly 100,000 in my county.

COVID is also kicking my butt much more than I was prepared to admit, even to myself. Physically I think the first round back in 2021 was worse, but combined with the storm I just am not able to cope so well. Plus it's 2024, so now it feels like a personal ailing I caught it again. I know, that's not true, but in my head it is. Had my mini (ish) breakdown, cried more than the situation required, pet Bilbo, then moved out to my balcony where at least I could feel a bit less like the walls were caving in around me. So there's that. Not only are we still without power, we don't even have an estimate of when it will be fixed, and I think that lack of information more than anything else is a big part of what's so hard

I'll probably try to go find a Starbucks tomorrow and charge my devices. It will mean walking back up three flights out, plus spreading my germs around (which I really didn't want to do), but I think my need to get out for a bit trumps that. That is, if we don't have an estimate on when the power will be back. I need to be better at being a bit selfish, I think.

One cute story: I have a mini-lantern that you turn on by pulling the top and base apart and twisting a bit. I thought I was struggling with it. Turns out I was struggling with a jar of peanut butter. Twisted too hard, cracked the lid, and peanut butter went everywhere. Bilbo was very much in favor. I just had to lay back and laugh at it all.

PS- shirebound no I moved down to NC last October and am not in NY anymore. I thought I was a champion for braving the ice and snow, but summer storms down south really are something else!

PPS- one major bit of coping with such little internet, I'm starting to read the Unfinished Tales Celeborn & Galadriel section. I've no gotten far because of COVID headaches, but I'd forgotten there was a version where Celeborn was native to Lorien or at least met Galadriel there, rather than being a Sindarin elf out of Doriath. I think I've enjoyed so much of how that version of events sets up a nice confrontation between him and Celebrimbor, affects how he feels about Galadriel getting a Ring of Power, all that, I sort of blocked the more Silvan (??) version of his character out of my imagination. So it's an interesting thought to rediscover it a bit.

Life these days is mostly work - job search - sleep - repeat. Nothing particularly noteworthy, except I've been poking away at a MOOC to train for a project manager certificate. The work itself I think I'd be good at, but the training itself is reminding me why I never tested well. I understand the different methodologies being discussed easily enough, but it's taking all my brain-power to understand what the question is asking. Also reminds me why I would have been miserable in business school. But if it helps me learn how to talk about what I can do for a company, it's worth soldiering on.

The closest I come to "noteworthy news" is, of course, Bilbo. She's ridiculously drawn to the smell of pumpkin spice. I don't understand, I never thought of cats as drawn to sweets. But whatever it is, I got a few treats with my groceries this week and whenever I've opened one she's literally dove in head-first to investigate. Silly little girl.

I've been thinking a lot about Oshun with the sad news of her passing. Dawn shared a particularly moving memory of her over at Tumblr. Mainly it has me reflective about the friendships I've had with fellow Tolkien fans, and how grateful I am to have you all in my life. I know I'm not around as much as I used to be, but I'm grateful for the friendship you've all shown me.