Marta's Mathoms

Late September and it’s still 93 F by the modern equivalent of the mercury? That’s just wrong.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WS_YAKZH3lw



I've been more than a bit cranky, I'm afraid. It's like I've lost the better part of two weekends back to back because unexpected things popped up. Now I've got no patience and am being snappy with customer service reps when it's not their fault, and am just feeling constantly stressed to right below the upper limit of what I can cope with. I'm still getting through the day, but I really don't like the kind of person I feel like. The solution is of course to carve out more time for fun. And probably to spend less time around people for familial obligation. I think I would have made a rather happy hermit in another age.

Happy Hobbit Birthday Eve to everyone. I really should get back to rereading LOTR. I was just getting to Weathertop when life got busy, and I'd probably feel better with a bit more Middle-earth anyway.


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I was very sad to hear of Dolly Parton's passing yesterday. As lovely as her music was (and it was), I've been enjoying hearing all the other ways she just made the world brighter by being a good person. I was a lucky giftee of the books she'd mailed out, and they were prized possessions as a kid. We were a single-income family at the time, and as that family was of a local sports journalist (not the best-paying), most "fun" things were hand-me-downs or borrowed from the library, but those books were all mine, and they were beautiful.

It wasn't just the books, though. I remember her being quite active about supporting people with AIDS back when there was real stigma attached to it, and she helped fund research for the COVID vaccine. The way she talked about her religion was a great model of someone being moved to compassion without being judgmental. Just generally she seemed like a very empathetic, loving person who believed the best in all sorts of people.

Letters from Leo, the Catholic news Substack, has a nice look at her life if you're interested:

https://www.thelettersfromleo.com/p/lived-in-the-light-dolly-parton-gave

And here's one of my favorite of her less-known songs. Always makes me smile.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_-YbWHs6DE

I know it's been ages since I've posted here, but I have been thinking of you all. The trouble is i don't really have much new to say, or at least noting that feels new.

Work is the same. I'm vaguely looking for a new job but haven't found it yet, and my old job still hasn't completely shut down so there's no particular change. I've been doing a lot of news-related writing, basically a blog post on a news story three times a week and a roundup of links on the other two, which means I'm writing regularly and at length but without it requiring a lot of creativity. I've been slowly rereading Lord of the Rings (currently about to start "A Knife in the Dark"), and also listening to an audiobook of Emily Wilson's The Odyssey. I've been occasionally teaching civics classes on Saturdays, though I just finished a set and think I need a break, or at least a different kind of volunteer work. The cat is a pretty constant companion and enjoys being right at my knee, when he's not getting into shenanigans.

Put that way, it all seems a bit depressingly the same. It is the same, and if I'm being honest the state of the world is getting to me. But there's actually a lot in my life - it's just a lot of the same, and a lot of what I was doing when I was last here months ago, I guess. The one thing that's really changed is the Kid's finished her M.Sc. and is due to start a Ph.D. next month up in Edinburgh. I still haven't gotten over to see her, but we've done a lot of video calls.

I do hope everyone is doing well! & I'll try to check in more often. Would love to hear any fun news (big or small) if you're still reading this.

Just poking in to give a hearty Hear, hear! (hear what?) to two of my favorite hobbits. In their honor, here's one of my favorite passages with JRRT at his snarky finest before sharing a bit of heart.

For ADELARD TOOK, for his VERY OWN, from Bilbo, on an umbrella. Adelard had carried off many unlabelled ones.

For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo, on a large waste-paper basket. Dora was Drogo’s sister and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century.

For MILO BURROWS, hoping it will be useful, from B.B., on a gold pen and ink-bottle. Milo never answered letters.

For ANGELICA’S use, from Uncle Bilbo, on a round convex mirror. She was a young Baggins, and too obviously considered her face shapely.

For the collection of HUGO BRACEGIRDLE, from a contributor, on an (empty) book-case. Hugo was a great borrower of books, and worse than usual at returning them.

For LOBELIA SACKVILLE-BAGGINS, as a PRESENT, on a case of silver spoons. Bilbo believed that she had acquired a good many of his spoons, while he was away on his former journey. Lobelia knew that quite well. When she arrived later in the day, she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.

This is only a small selection of the assembled presents. Bilbo’s residence had got rather cluttered up with things in the course of his long life. It was a tendency of hobbit-holes to get cluttered up: for which the custom of giving so many birthday-presents was largely responsible. Not, of course, that the birthday-presents were always new, there were one or two old mathoms of forgotten uses that had circulated all around the district; but Bilbo had usually given new presents, and kept those that he received. The old hole was now being cleared a little.

Every one of the various parting gifts had labels, written out personally by Bilbo, and several had some point, or some joke. But, of course, most of the things were given where they would be wanted and welcome. The poorer hobbits, and especially those of Bagshot Row, did very well. Old Gaffer Gamgee got two sacks of potatoes, a new spade, a woollen waistcoat, and a bottle of ointment for creaking joints. Old Rory Brandybuck, in return for much hospitality, got a dozen bottles of Old Winyards: a strong red wine from the Southfarthing, and now quite mature, as it had been laid down by Bilbo’s father. Rory quite forgave Bilbo, and voted him a capital fellow after the first bottle.

The big news today is I did the Mereth Aderthad through Zoom. It was a SWG event where peoples presented papers and did readings of their fic. Which was nice and the main point (so many smart, funny people!) but it was really the chat that did me good. Just hanging out in real-time with fellow fans was really nice.

I made a passing comment over on Tumblr that I'd been feeling depleted, and it struck me that of course I was. It's been a really rough month - my grandma but also it's another death-anniversary that still hits me hard, and I think I'm even grieving having to give up Peeta. Every time I look at her it's been hard, though she's also been extra mischievous so I'm more convinced than ever surrendering her back is the right thing to do. On top of which I've got some specific reasons to worry about my work's longtime survival, and the GOP budget is really going to do a number on my student loans. Oh, and I had to send my new computer back. That's quite enough for anyone to be getting on with! With everything going on with the world it somehow feels a bit small, but how silly is that? It's my life.

All of which made today really nice. Jut getting to hang out and not think about anything but geekery for a few hours. And doing it from behind my screen was probably the best way. Logistics aside, I think the in-person socializing would have been way too intense. I do need to do that more often.

That's the news from Lake Wobegone (Woe-be-gone?). Here's hoping you all are having a good Saturday.

Thanks everyone for the messages and well wishes. It's been a quietish day, less busy than I usually let my Saturdays be. I went to see Superman and got a sweet treat waiting for me in the fridge; but for now am enjoying lying down and relaxing, and of course enjoying people wishing me well.

Here's hoping it's a good year!

I've got next to nothing to report, but I wanted to check in with you all, all the same. It does me good to at least pop in.

I bought plane tickets to London for October to go see the Kid, along with trip insurance. I'm not 100% sure if I'll go or not. I could give all sorts of practical reasons for why I'm reluctant, and there are some things making October not the greatest time, but really, it's hard to want to leave America just to come back these days. I think I'd really struggle emotionally with that part of it.

I'm much more political than I can remember ever being. It makes sense in a lot of ways; but it's draining. I've started volunteering with a second group, and also taking the time to do a kind of news roundup every day on Tumblr. I'll admit I'm struggling finding the balance and wish I didn't have to give so much time and effort to it, but it feels like now's not the time to lean out, at least for me. Not trying to get into specifics, because I recognize not everyone wants to think about that so much, but in the "what I've been up to" these days it ranks pretty high.

Things are at least settling down again after my grandmom's funeral. Mainly I'm just tired and an extra bit stressed.

Peeta continues to be a menace, and I'm beginning to think I may not be her forever home. Technically, I'm still fostering so I can return her and ask to try another (the group says they'll take her back and they're no-kill). She's sweet sometimes, especially later in the afternoon, but in the morning she beats up on me a lot. It's probably just looking for attention and wanting to play, and I've tried several things to redirect her aggression, but none of it's really worked. I've given myself another two weeks to make a firm decision but at this point it feels more like working up to admit defeat. I hate feeling like I've failed her, which I do, but cats live a long time and I need to be rational about it. It may be better, too, if she needs a home with more activity than I can provide. But it still breaks my heart a bit.

That seems to be the theme. I'm dealing okay with everything going on these days, but it really is a lot.

New Peeta pic below the cut. You'd think with a face like that she wouldn't be any trouble at all, but you would be mistaken.

I did see F1 this weekend, which was a lot of fun. I don't get the ins and outs of racing strategy, but the characters were interesting.

I hope you're all doing okay and weathering the heat okay. With all the complaining, I am glad to have AC like never before.

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I'm back from the funeral. Mostly I'm exhausted and angry, primarily about an arcane theological thing. My grandmum was very speciic about her funera plans, and they centered on a Catholic eucharistic mass. About half her family, mine included, aren't practicing Catholic so can't take communion. There are ways to structure things to downplay the eucharist things, like you could have a memorial without a eucharist or have the priest invite non-Catholics to come up for a blessing, say. She didn't do that and the impact was most of the family in atteendance couldn't participate.

Which was very excluding and pulled up a lot of old pain: she wanted her whole family to be Catholic, very much so, to the point I always felt like all the hard and serious work I've done to make my peace with God was just discounted and not taken seriously because I don't don the right label. Which is bizarre because, with everything I've gone through with religion and life generally, it's a minor miracle (if you'll pardon the pun) I've not gone full atheist.

I don't doubt I'm reading into this in a big way. Funerals have a way of opening up old wounds, and there are some things I'd rather do most anything than think about those parts of our relationship. I wish I could think less generally, just now.

Anyway. Long day. I'm sure things will seem less sharp-edged in a few days, or even once I've slept in my own bed. Thanks for all the sympathy, and the space to think out loud. It really is hugely appreciated.

My grandmother died over the weekend. It still feels very ureal. I'm not particularly upset, just feeling a bit disjointed and out of sync with normal time somehow. But basically okay.

I did write a ficlet today, about a last meeting between Rory Brandybuck and old Bilbo at the long-expected party. You know, growing old vs. not, saying goodbye vs. not, all that kind of thing. I can't quite decide if it's just therapy by another name or if it's something I want to turn into a properly edited and published story. There's no rush on that. Mostly it feels good to have written again. I do wish I still was able to do that under normal circumstances.

That's the news from around here. I hope you all have a good week.

Three somewhat-big stories of the real-life variety.

First, my grandmom needs full-time care. She's my last grandparent and well over 100, still pretty sharp mentally but definitely physically frail. I'm sure the assessment is correct. It's still hard to hear. Especially when they throw around the "h" word (hospice), which again, I know doesn't mean she's on death's door these days but is still hard to hear. Even harder: people comforting me saying they fully expect her to be around for her birthday next month. She was supposed to live forever!

Second, we're the proud owner of a shiny new toilet in La Casa de Marta, and not of the porcelain variety. Peeta had a few instances where she pooped on the mat right in front of the littler box, which was one of those high-rimmed types meant to keep the litter in. She was also pooping right at the entry way, so I thought it was too narrow for her to get all the way in and turn around (she's larger than Bilbo ever was). So I invested in a much bigger, lower pan she could enter in more than one place, new mat that had not a whiff of stinky, and enough litter to fill it. Plus some new pouncy toys because I'm a soft touch. )Kitties are surprisingly expensive for ten pounds of hiss and vinegar!) No more mat-poops yet so here's hoping.

The good news is she's much more talkative and we're finally setting some "No!" boundaries. The trick is crawling into her little kitty-noggin and understanding why some ways of doing things are really quite unacceptably tempting. What a strange place to be.

Finally, there's a work thing, not even a bad thing, but I did lose access to a certain database. Logistically, it's the right call. But how will I cope without my blessed resource? (I will, I don't need it, but durn it that was my emotional support database.) It really does feel like the end of an era. Possibly I'm more emotional about my grandmom than I'm admitting to myself. It's definitely leaving me feeling off-balance, though.

Here's hoping you are all enjoying some summer fun or otherwise have good things going on.